By Akshay Palanivelu
August 2023
As a freshman in high school, I have come to understand the two forces within me: logic and emotion. I learned about these forces at an early stage in my journey in karate class. In my daily life, these two forces play a significant role in what happens. Learning about these two forces was hard for me because I didn’t want to follow logic but one thing that helped me was training and studying. In this writing, I will cover how the transition from training to studying helped me overcome my emotions and feelings.
My understanding of the two forces started at the very beginning when I joined karate class. I was very impulsive and addicted to candy, junk food, and gadgets. I was a handful for my parents and my lack of listening to their voice made it even harder for them to keep me in check. The first few situations that were addressed in class were the situations I learned the most from.
Logic is using the brain to think and is always consistent, but emotion is what we feel about something that will likely change. One situation where I gained clarity was using my mother’s phone a lot. I would hide under the bed and find someplace to hide from her and play games all day or until she found out. When it was addressed, the information was given that I cannot touch her bag or anything in her bag because it is her possession. The message was so simple and clear and I had never heard anything like it before but I could follow the logical sense away from my impulse. It was never easy for me by myself but with the help of Master Bell and my parents, I was more stable during my growth.
As I started to gain clarity on logic and emotions, I also had to understand the difference between wants and needs. One example of this is a candy machine project that I and my brother did. We were doing this project out of creativity but we had to buy candy to test the machine. I however was giving into my impulse or my wants and eating the candy. This caused a dispute between me and my brother because he needed the candy for the project but I was eating it. The fight escalated and it came to Master Bell who suggested canceling the project. I was filled with emotion but giving in to it just feeds the impulse and drains my energy. I wasn’t happy about the decision then but looking back at it, that was the best option that taught me a lesson about my wants and needs.
I started to train after my parents started telling me to. Even then, It was a warmup and stretching. After the two situations, I saw how much logical sense was needed that I didn’t have. I always wanted to skip training but when I came to the floor and did forms, I felt the difference because I was more stable, more logical and I was able to listen. The forms were the ones that gave me the most balance because I had to use my mind to create the opponent, my body to counter whatever they do precisely with attention on every inch of the techniques, and to breathe with the moves.
I also only trained on the days we didn’t have karate class. I did this because I didn’t want to get “tired” before class. Master Bell addressed the whole tired thing and we concluded that if we did training with a focus on every inch of our body, we would be in a balanced place full of energy instead of tired. This however required me to focus and train to become better rather than doing a checklist training. In a checklist training, we would follow a checklist of stuff to do and finish it without putting any attention or effort into it. I was lazy so I didn’t want to give an effort to train properly and there were lots of feelings that I could give into and not do training but I had to overcome them.
I remember doing my forms and Master Bell would point out things that were missing and I couldn’t seem to memorize everything that was needed for the forms. When I memorize, I have to remember everything that was taught and the critiques that were given to me and then every time I do the forms, I have to do it with whatever I could remember. When I started to study however, the critiques and the way I was taught could be a part of my form so whenever I do the form, it is already there and ready to be used because I have learned the knowledge.
When I started to study, I took everything I knew about the form and implemented it. I had to slow the form down and give attention to every inch of it. When I memorize the form, techniques only stay sharp as long as I feel like it. When I have to do the form without memory, it is very sloppy because I haven’t practiced this way. The only way I know is to remember what to do and how to do it. When I study however, I can use all my knowledge of the form and how it is to be done and implement that into the form where every time I do the form, the techniques and knowledge of how it is to be done is there. When I study, I break down the form and do it the proper way, and put it back together and then that becomes my way. Nothing else can interfere with it.
When something becomes your way, it is hard to break that way and do something different. It was very hard for me to break my way of memorizing and switch to studying the forms. This transition required humility and high focus. I had to accept something new that was different from my old way and also let go of my arrogance. Initially, I thought my form was good enough so I thought I didn’t need to study to make it better but when I started to study with the help of my family, I saw how much potential my forms had.
After a few months, my family and I started to see improvements in my forms and techniques. The forms were sharper because I had opponents so the techniques had purpose. I started to study every day even before school and that changed my day because I had more logical sense so my day was smoother. I focused in class and was able to grasp what the teacher was teaching without struggle. As the school year came to an end, I had to get ready for the transition between middle school and high school. I was expecting there to be stress and difficulty but when I made the transition, I found out that I was just a little unfamiliar with the setting, and after a while things were going very smoothly and I didn’t need to stress.
Also with studying came more logical sense which meant I was more emotionally stable. I used to throw tantrums and get frustrated easily but with a higher level of logical sense, I could see what was my wants and what was needed and act accordingly. I am open to reasoning and even if I don’t get what I want, I am happy with what I have. I have also grown to where my parents ask me for my opinion on certain decisions due to the increased level of trust between each other. They can see me as a young disciplined kid who they can count on to use his brain.
My growth during this period is essential for me to notice and write about. Master Bell often tells me to narrate my story of transitioning from training to studying because this story holds lots of lessons that helped me grow and it can help junior students who are on the same path that I have traveled. They can benefit because this transition not only made a difference in my Tang Soo Do training but also my way of living. This document is a reference and a contract for me to come back to so that I can frequently remind myself of what I know and what I have.